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Space weather is what you get, space climate is what you expect, Julian Jove reporting

In an unprecedented collaborative study, radio astronomy enthusiasts have discovered that space climate is changing at a record pace and leading to sea level rise on Mars. A spokeswoman from the Princess of Peace Radio Observatory (POPRO) in Plainclothes, Indiana, owner-operator Jacqueline Smith-Hampton-Fraser, said “What you see is what you get” as she showed the media representatives a chart of measurements (right) made over the last nine years using sea level gauges placed on Mars by the famous NASA roving vehicle Opportunity.

Opportunity faithfully sped about the rainy planet unknowingly causing political problems for engineers on Earth. Smith-Hampton-Fraser, who calls herself a “radio hamateur,” call sign YAP29LJ, commented “The US Congress, well-known around the world for its lack of individual and collective intelligence and integrity, is investigating the NASA Rover Program. They somehow found out that Opportunity originally was designed to last only a few months on Mars but here it is nine years later working away like there is no tomorrow. Congress has accused NASA of over-designing its missions and costing taxpayers way too much money. Congress is adamant that the money would have been better spent lining their campaign contributor’s pockets through low or no interest federal loans and grants.”

Accusations of something actually working right for a change notwithstanding, data gathered by the gauges clearly show, and do not think for one minute this is disputable, that the dramatic sea level rise on Mars is directly related to space climate changes resulting from human activities in space. Smith-Hampton-Fraser, in a follow-up interview, said “All that space junk blown about by the Chinese anti-missile tests and junk resulting from the collision of Russia’s wayward Cosmos 2251 satellite with Iridium’s communication satellite, to say nothing of the celestial garbage dump created by the International Space Station regularly flushing out their “refuse”, have slowed the solar wind to such an extent that greenhouse gases on Mars have run amuck, melting the polar ice caps and the snow on the leeward side of Martian mountains. We plan to publish our results in the Journal of Planetary Pseudo-Science under the title ‘Chicken Little Lives on Mars!’”